Hey all, it's been almost two months since I've written an actually entry, and the last one didn't really count because all I did was post a picture. Anyway, a lot has happened during those two months so here's the updateee:

-DRT is actually moving forward. We've had an entire workload over the summer (three websites) and I'm glad how all three of them turned out. Through these websites I've realized how hard it is to do web design as an actual job. It's really hard to get creative over things like politics, and even if you do think of an awesome layout, you're going to have to come up with some back ups in case the client doesn't like your original. Fuck, I've had to redesign so many times that it slightly hurts my pride for my work to be shot down.

Heres a list of the websites we've completed:
http://www.guamveterans.com
http://www.guamcollegebooks.com
http://bjcruz.drtguam.com


-The UOG Jazz Band went to Japan on tour. Going to this country was the greatest experience of my life. From Day 1 to end, it was nonstop fun. Everything from the food, people, culture, and just overall atmosphere made me want to say even longer. Through this experience I've felt like I've done a lot of growing up, not only as a musician, but as a person. It made me realize that I really am an insignificant dot in this world, and I'm going to stay that way unless I get off Guam and try something out there. This trip has also cemented my friendships with the people that came with me, and I know that I'll still be friends with them throughout the rest of my life.


-I met this girl in Japan. My initial mindset when going to Japan was, "hey lets flirt with every girl out there." It started out that way during the first few days until we met all the other groups that participated in the festival. This girl from California named Irene came up to me and we instantly clicked. Some remarks from people who saw us thought that our chemistry was insane and that Irene was exactly like me--only hotter. We couldn't stop thinking about each other throughout the whole week and we spent as much time together as we possibly could. But alas, I'm a dumbass and I was too scared to  make any real moves. I should have kissed her, which she later pointed out that she would have let me. I was really heartbroken when we had to say our goodbyes during the after party but the next day we saw each other not once, but twice at two rest stops on the way to the airport. Insane coincidence, yeah?

We still talk to each other, actually, we talk to each other every day. This long distance thing is hard though, and I'm having doubts about everything. And if I'm having doubts it's only a matter of time before she starts thinking that way too. She promises she'll visit me in December, and I figure if she makes an effort to come all the way to this hellhole just for me, then there has to be something there, right?

-Life moves on. Summer '09 was one of the best summers of my life, but I have to get back to reality. The only thing I have right now is the stress of 18 credits, because I'm an idiot and only decided my major last semester.

Honestly, the only thing that's keeping me going is the thought of Irene coming in December. Even if that doesn't happen, I'll just have to suck it up and move on. This really does make for an epic story though---something I could look back on when I'm old and think, "wow, I was awesome."

I want to start things anew

I'm tired of the same routine everyday! I just want to get up there and try something entirely new, in a brand new place, with brand new people! I'm not saying that I'm tired of all my friends, no, that's far from it. I just want to meet new people, cause hot damn, you only live one life and I'm going to make the most of it!

I want to get out of here

I'll always love Guam but sometimes I feel so restricted here. I want to travel..EVERYWHERE! It wouldn't exactly be an adventure if it consisted of me driving down to Talofofo and back. I want to experience shit Von has experienced: over 9000 hour long road trips with friends to go see your favorite bands play, see some losers dress up in their favorite animes, or hell, even dress up yourselves, cause hot damn, you only live one life and I'm going to make the most of it!

I want an epic romance

I want to get out there and experience the sappiest love story of all time. If I'm lucky enough, I want to meet that one girl that would just divide my lifetime into two: the time before I met her, and the time after her. I want all that shit in romance movies and then some. I want to be able to tell my children, "Kids, there is nothing you will ever see, hear, or even experience in your life that will come close to the epicness of how your mother and I met, but that doesn't mean you can't try." I do know that she'll come around in my life eventually, but I doubt she will if I don't put myself out there, cause hot damn, you only live one life and I'm going to make the most of it!

I want to be better

In preparation of this adventure and the chance to meet the special woman, I want to be the best Tim I can possibly be. I want to responsible, dedicated, successful, and a plethora of other amazing things I can't possibly list here. I want to go back to the day where I was happy-go-lucky, where I didn't let anything or anyone get to me. Yeah, cause only then will I be worthy enough to experience my adventure and worthy enough to meet that girl.

And finally,

I want to live

I want to walk around a park and just enjoy the scenery, I want to sit on a beach and just enjoy the the waves crashing, I want to dance the night away in areas you wouldn't normally dance, I want to go to a restaurant and order one of everything on their menu, I just..want to live, cause hot damn, you only live one life and I'm going to fucking make the most of it!

this happened a while ago, and i guess now is as good a time as any to share it with you guys.

after a year of pining, trying, and just giving my all to restore what we once had, i've finally decided to move on. its funny how it took a hangover (i got pretty fucking wasted at my bday) to finally realize this. "its" just not there anymore. i look, and all i see is a pretty face and..a friend.

so this is what she's been seeing in me all this time.

this of course might change. i'm not one to let go of something special so easily, but i'd just like to say that she's not on top of the hierarchy of my affections and priorities anymore. but if she were to suddenly change her mind and decide to give it another chance, then of course i'd give it a go. at least, thats what i tell myself now.

for now, i'll just keep those memories of us in my heart. i'll look back at it all and smile--cause really, i'm glad i experienced something as great as that. i could honestly say that i was in "love," and there really isnt any other feeling like that in the world.

its not giving up, but rather, moving on.